Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
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