She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
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