i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
Randomize
