so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Randomize
