Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
Randomize
