When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
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