omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
Randomize
