I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
Randomize
