??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
Randomize