did you get engaged???
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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