my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
Randomize
