Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
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