There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
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