This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
Randomize
