But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
