Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Randomize
