Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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