what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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