I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
