Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
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