So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
Randomize
