My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
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