I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
Randomize
