i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
Randomize
