Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
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She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
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Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
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