This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
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