bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
not ubering you a puppy
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Randomize
