And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Randomize
