I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
Randomize
