I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
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