He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
