i need an iv and a liver transplant
just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
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