I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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