Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
high people should be assigned attendants
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
Randomize
