is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
