Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
