apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
