Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize
