How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Randomize
