my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize
