Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
