I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
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