Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
So many bounce houses so little time
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
Randomize
