hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
