I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
Randomize
