i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize
