nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
No awkward lesbian experiences without me
It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
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