btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Randomize
