Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
Randomize
