my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
Randomize
