I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
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In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
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You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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