i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
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