Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
Randomize
