You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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