doug butabi!
steve butabi!
hotties wanna shake it
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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