I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
Randomize
