If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
Randomize
