great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
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