i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
