you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
my liver is dry heaving
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
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