I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Randomize
