how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
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