I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
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