No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
